Challenge #13: Write a Sonnet

Sonnets are hard. They require working within a very limited structure and trying to fit your big ideas into a tiny space. And don't get me started on iambic pentameter.

Shakespeare was a genius, I think we can all agree on that. He wrote a whole tonne of these sonnets (154 in fact) and it has taken me all year to write one. And mine doesn't even follow iambic pentameter.

Other than iambic pentameter, which I ignored, a Shakespearean sonnet is three quatrains (four line stanzas) followed by a rhyming couplet. The quatrains follow abab cdcd efef rhyming structure. Oh, and then you're meant to develop an idea and turn it on its head in the final couplet.

Got it yet? It's a bit to get your head around. But then, anything worth knowing takes a bit of noggin scratching.

For my sonnet I decided to write on the idea of Motherhood. I would think that every woman thinks about this at some point and wonders if they want to be a mother and if they should be a mother. And if they don't think about this, lucky them.

I wanted to explore the idea/feeling that we're constantly pressured into thinking that we have to be mothers one day. That's where our lives are headed and if you don't want that then there is something innately wrong with you. Unwomanly. 

Not sure if I've captured all those feelings but as previously mentioned, these sonnets are limiting.

Sonnet #1

Beloved figure of unwavering love,
Raising, caring, nurturing us from birth.
Watching over us as if from above,
An endless night sky cannot match her worth.

Precious gift of life, we are meant to need
A uterus left empty is a sign
of a half life, just a selfish greed.
We’re all expected to just tow the line.

And so, I ask, is this the life for me?
Change my identity for another
then lose myself in an endless melee
just to become nothing but a mother.

Better to be more. Friend. Lover. Teacher.
Be a mother and a complex creature.

Challenge #27: Read all the Austens

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Austen rocks. And if it isn't, then it should be.

As an English teacher, having not read all of the Austens was almost a secret shame. And now that I've read them all, I cannot understand why I never have. Although the worlds of these novels are essentially the same, Austen creates such rich characters, uses such wit and observations about all the follies of human beings, that you have to forgive her the similar storylines of young women searching for husbands.

Something that struck me as I swept through page after page of Austen's observations about human nature was how wise she was. So many comments made by her narrator or by the characters themselves were so right on, even now. It made me think: was she ahead of her time or have things just not really changed much?

She condemns the shallow and vain, she praises the humble and good. Usually she also makes fun of the stupid, but if they are essentially a good person then they are forgiven. She points out the flaws in men and women, the difficulties of their restrictive social conventions and she weaves love stories. Every girl's dream comes true at the end of her stories - they get their man.

Strange, because Austen herself never married. Was she searching for the love she created in her novels and never found it? I wonder if she ever realised that she was creating an ideal of love so pure, so untarnished but also so clear-minded and honest. An ideal which any woman who has read Austen will sudden believe is the only love worth having. I constantly find myself wondering whether that love is a kind that really exists. But, at least you can find it within Austen's pages.

The best thing about reading novels like these is that you learn from them. Which seems bizarre that something written 200ish years ago could teach you something now. But teach me, they did.

We all need a little Darcy in our lives!

Pride and Prejudice taught me that you marry for any reason other than love, you will be miserable. And not to judge someone on first impressions. Give people time to reveal their true selves to you and you may be pleasantly surprised.

Aside from spawning one of my favourite films, Clueless, Emma taught me that you should, under no circumstances, try to play matchmaker. Additionally, it made me realise that sometimes the thing that is exactly what you need can be right under your nose.

Austen makes the lesson in Sense and Sensibility really easy for us all - the message is in the title! Here Austen tells us that you cannot be ALL sense or ALL feeling - you have to have a little of each to find balance, happiness and, most importantly, a husband.

Mansfield Park reminded me to never trust a charming man. Or a charming woman for that matter.

In Northanger Abbey it becomes obvious that if you use deceit to promote your own happiness then you will ultimately fail.

Finally, Persuasion showed me that while it is great to seek the advice of others, ultimately you should trust your own judgement and feeling.

Have I tempted you yet? If all that knowledge is still not enough for you to pick up an Austen immediately, then I will leave you with my favourite piece of Austen Wisdom from Northanger Abbey:

Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.

You said it, Jane.

Challenge #9: See Phantom of the Opera

Phantom of the Opera has been running almost as long as I've been alive.

Now there's a thought. It must be pretty good if it's been going for over 25 years, 10000 performances in the West End and is the most successful musical of all time...

I've always been drawn to the music of Phantom. My mother had the tapes at home, along with those from Cats, and I often spent an afternoon listening to those magical soundtracks. It has taken many years for me to finally find out what all the fuss was about.

Outside Her Majesty's Theatre, ready for Phantom!

I'm no stranger to musicals, having seen all the obvious ones like The Lion King, Wicked and Billy Elliot. It does make me wonder how anyone can not like a musical. What's not to love? Colourful, extravagant costumes, crazy moving sets, seamless performances and, best of all, music. There's nothing quite like the full swell of an orchestra playing live, actors singing from the bottom of their hearts, despite the fact that they've probably already performed 5 times that week...

Phantom isn't exactly a complex storyline but it's now a classic. Misunderstood, deformed composer falls in love with beautiful tenor. Who is in love with a handsome man from her childhood. Who hasn't had that happen?

I think my favourite part of Phantom was the fact that it made me jump. I wasn't expected to be shocked by gunfire or falling chandeliers but there you go. Not just a pretty picture, Phantom has some good old fashioned dramatic tension.

And the music. Oh god, the music. I'm generally not a fan of opera but did that Anna O'Byrne (playing Christine) have some pipes on her. And she's an Aussie! Represent!

So, despite waiting 18 years to see it, Phantom was well worth the wait. My 'Angel of Music' finally appeared and now I can drift off into the 'Music of the Night'...

Challenge # 48: Use a pick up line in a bar

How much does a polar bear weigh?

Armed with just this question and a healthy dose of forced confidence, I selected a seemingly eligible young man as a test subject. Would he respond to my pun pickup?

I attempted to casually stroll up to the man in question and delivered my line. As soon as I asked him the question I realised the fatal flaw in this pickup line: people actually think about the answer.

Later, when I was googling the answer to this question, I found this blog about women using the polar bear pickup line. Reading it I became surprised by the outdated notions of courtship this guy was presenting. His argument was that pickup lines should probably be left to the men and that when (unattractive) women did it, it seemed desperate. Not to sound too much like Carrie Bradshaw but it got me thinking... Why can't women use pick up lines? Is this still considered a male only dominion?

This argument that men are meant to chase and women are meant to stand around looking pretty and waiting for a man to sweep them off their feet, is it still valid? Surely it is just playing up to gender roles by saying that men and women still need to conform to these roles and any deviations simply won't work. I'm not sure if I have an answer either way, but perhaps my experience using my pickup line will help shed some, although dim, light.

Aside from getting annoyed about this guy's view, I found myself wondering about pickup lines in general. After reading some of the comments on the blog I came to the realization: pickup line success depends entirely on how you deliver them, who you are and who the object of your desire is. If you are super goodlooking (male or female) then chances are you can use a pick up line and it will seem cute. If the object of your desire doesn't find you attractive, you will seem desperate. It seems that pickup is in the eye of the beholder.

In my experience, most women find pickup lines cringy, but isn't that because they're viewed as sleazy and an artificial way to start a conversation?

And therein lies the secret to an effective pickup line: it should seem natural, or at least spark some ideas that will lead into an easy conversation. Perhaps pickup lines aren't actually needed, just an ability to recognise a conversation starter or an opportunity to spark up a debate or discussion.

Happily, my pickup line managed to achieve this, for a short while anyway. Any initial success at getting my test subject to talk to me was immediately overshadowed when he told me that I was barking up the wrong tree: he had a girlfriend. However, we kept chatting and he introduced me to his friends. So although I wasn't successful in 'picking him up', he didn't run screaming for the hills and seemed amused by my (somewhat clumsy) attempt at using a pickup line.

What I found the most successful about this process was that he remembered me. When I saw him later in the night we had another chat about polar bears and had a sense of connection. It wasn't love or lust, just a feeling of common ground - neither of us knowing what a polar bear weighed.

So, is that the mark of a good pickup line? Is there such a thing? I guess I'll just have to head back to the pub for some further research!

(For those of you who are DESPERATE to know, here are some facts about polar bears and how much they weigh:

1. Polar bears are the largest land carnivore.

2. Male polar bears weigh about 350 to more than 650 kg.

3. Female polar bears weigh about 150 to 250 kg. Pregnant females can weigh as much as 500 kg.

4. The largest polar bear ever recorded was a male weighing 1,002 kg.)

Challenge #3: Attend a Secret Cinema event - Part Two: Mission

New employees reporting for duty!

Secret Cinema really is a thing of wonder.

I awaited my 'mission' with excitement bordering on delirium. This was one of the few situations I've been in where I really had a) no control over what would happen and b) no idea what would happen.

My housemate, Leeanne, and I donned our workgear and found our way to Euston Station, which was our rendesvouz point. As soon as we exited the station we found fellow Brave New Ventures employees, marked by their work gear. Immediately a sense of mutual confusion mixed with excited tension was realised - we were all in the same bizarre situation. Who buys tickets to a movie without knowing what it's even called?

Fellow employees ready to go!

One of our illustrious leaders

We followed our leaders towards our destination - a space ship. This is where part of the genius of Secret Cinema is realised - they turned an entire old warehouse into a spaceship. What was even more amazing was that you actually get caught up in it and forget that it's not a spaceship.

We lined up to purchase food and drink tokens and were greeted by different employees who would be helping us throughout the journey and mission. They questioned us about previous missions and gave us tips about our journey.

Throughout the entire mission I couldn't help but be amazed at how carefully crafted each actor's character was. This was at the heart of Secret Cinema’s success: you’re not just looking at a movie, you are IN a movie. The actors aren’t actors, they’re real living, breathing people who answer your questions, give you orders and joke with you. Or, if they’re a droid, show very little emotion.

The brilliance was in the details

The nerves ran higher as Leeanne and I were split up. We’d chosen different jobs so we had to join our colleagues. As I joined my fellow Contamination Officers, we met our illustrious leader. Boasting an American accent he filled us in on the mission and the ship. We followed him through a labyrinth of walkways, past a ‘droid’ who’d just discovered the emotion fear and was testing it out by trying to scare people with sudden noises. Suddenly we went through a dark hallway and emerged, blinking. At that moment I believed I was on a spaceship and that everything I saw was real.

 We were in a hanger of sorts, with smoke, flashing lights and space vehicles. Hanging on the wall were spacesuits and I enjoyed the flips my stomach was doing in excitement. I was in a spaceship!

One of the actual vehicles used in the film

After a quick orientation, we were left to our own devices to familiarise ourselves with the ship and I found Leeanne again. Like a couple of kids we set about exploring the ship. It turned out to be more difficult than expected – we kept going around in circles. Following the maps on the walls, we found an endless amount of things to do.


Even with clear maps we still got lost in the gigantic space

We had a quick nap on the provided HyperSleep areas, we looked at strange creatures in jars, we talked to other employees, all wandering about looking slightly dazed and overwhelmed. You could play 'Ping Tron' or relax with a drink. An employee nabbed us for a 'mission' and led us to the flight deck where we watched the landing and the celebration that ensued.

One room we found was eerie, filled with precious items that people had brought with them suspended from the ceiling in specimen bags.



Eventually the reason for having Contamination Officers became blindingly clear. Alarms began sounding and employees in the know began surrounding people who were clearly infected with some kind of virus. Contamination Officers were called over to section off these people who were going crazy and kept breaking through the barriers.

We were herded into escape pods and off the ship, away from the danger of infection. And suddenly, it was time for the film. After all the speculation, the big question would be answered: what was the film we were in?

The answer? Look carefully at the actual vehicles from the film and maybe you can guess...

 Still not sure? It was Prometheus. Perhaps one of the worst films I've seen for a while.

Fortunately, the true rubbishness of the film itself did not matter. The entire experience from beginning to end was one of the most amazing exercises in theatre I have ever been involved in. Every part of it was seemless and intriguing. Watching the film had an extra layer to it because suddenly all the bits and pieces fitted together. I suddenly understood why there was all that conformity to be part of the Brave New Ventures crew, why I participated in Psychological Training, it all made sense when watching the film.

This is what art, cinema, theatre, creativity, community and imagination are all about. So many elements brought together to build an entire world filled with living breathing people for us to explore.

I will be doing this again. And again. And again.

Challenge #25: Do the Great Gorilla Run



Skiing anyone?

Planet of the Apes became a reality one sunny Saturday in London. Hundreds of gorillas dashed around the city, bumping into people, ruining tourist photos and playing in water fountains.

 

I was one of those crazy gorillas. Instead of sleeping in on that fateful Saturday and enjoying some morning TV with a cuppa, I woke up at a reasonable hour and donned a gorilla suit. All in the name of that incredible charity: The Gorilla Organization.

Gorilla texting

Here is where I plug the true awesomeness of this charity: They help introduce ideas such as sustainable farming into African communities so that the gorillas don't have their habitats destroyed. This is a great charity because even if you don't care about gorillas, you are still helping lift people in Africa out of poverty.

 

So, with the gorillas in mind, I walked a massive 9 and a bit kilometres. In a gorilla suit. This may not seem like a massive feat but have you ever worn a gorilla suit or, indeed, any costume that involves fur and a face covering of some description? I'll just leave you with one thought: sweaty.

My gorilla team

Aside from the joy of being contained in my own sweat, the walk showed me London in a whole new light. Everywhere we walked people were cheering us on and saying 'Good on you'. The positive, helpful, encouraging side of Londoners (who are usually busy, grumpy and pushy) was out in force on the banks of the Thames. And, as corny as it was, it helped me push through the discomfort.



Gorilla selfie at the start line

This was an amazing experience. The feeling of being in a crowd, all united to help one cause was exhilarating. Looking around at the other gorillas was surreal. There were punks, rock stars, cricketers, old fashioned pilots. Gorillas were wearing tutus and bikinis. There was a group of gorillas who spent the entire run finding new things to do. They played in a fountain, amazed by the water, they sat at a table in front of the Tate, they danced to a buskers beautiful music. And they made gorilla noises. It all just added to the general hilarity of the situation and the reality: we were causing havoc on the streets of London in gorilla suits. It seems like a bizarre dream now, looking back.

|It's not everyday you're in front of Tower Bridge in a gorilla suit.

 

Whilst the fundraising continues (we’re over £1000 and still going), my gorilla suit is left to gather dust in my closet. A permanent reminder of the day that I decided to take a stand for gorillas everywhere and had a jolly good time doing it.

To gorilla or not to gorilla, that is the question.

If you want to sponsor me then head to this page and know that your pennies are going towards creating hope, opportunity and protecting one of the animals that make earth such a cool place to live.

Finished!

Challenge #15: Learn All the European Capitals

They say that knowledge is power. I definitely agree and also knowing stuff makes you seem clever.

My geography has always been pretty mediocre. That mediocrity is what prompted this challenge. I figured that if I am going to live in Europe then I should at least know the countries that comprise it and their capitals. And it might also help with Challenge #22: Participate in a Pub Quiz.

I set about learning the countries first. Suddenly I was overwhelmed by how many there actually are. I used an online testing site called Sheppard Software. I found this to be an excellent way to learn. Whenever I was on my laptop and waiting for something to load, I would flick over to the site and try to remember what I'd memorised. I also downloaded different quizzes onto my phone so I could test myself at any time. Long bus journeys became an ideal time for testing.

To prove this challenge is completed, I've made a video. So, at the time I made it, I could remember all the capitals. However, I have noticed that some capitals (particularly countries I haven't visited or know little about) tend to need refreshing every now and again.

Of course, now that I know all these capitals, I now find myself with a desire to visit every single one...