Challenge #27: Read all the Austens

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Austen rocks. And if it isn't, then it should be.

As an English teacher, having not read all of the Austens was almost a secret shame. And now that I've read them all, I cannot understand why I never have. Although the worlds of these novels are essentially the same, Austen creates such rich characters, uses such wit and observations about all the follies of human beings, that you have to forgive her the similar storylines of young women searching for husbands.

Something that struck me as I swept through page after page of Austen's observations about human nature was how wise she was. So many comments made by her narrator or by the characters themselves were so right on, even now. It made me think: was she ahead of her time or have things just not really changed much?

She condemns the shallow and vain, she praises the humble and good. Usually she also makes fun of the stupid, but if they are essentially a good person then they are forgiven. She points out the flaws in men and women, the difficulties of their restrictive social conventions and she weaves love stories. Every girl's dream comes true at the end of her stories - they get their man.

Strange, because Austen herself never married. Was she searching for the love she created in her novels and never found it? I wonder if she ever realised that she was creating an ideal of love so pure, so untarnished but also so clear-minded and honest. An ideal which any woman who has read Austen will sudden believe is the only love worth having. I constantly find myself wondering whether that love is a kind that really exists. But, at least you can find it within Austen's pages.

The best thing about reading novels like these is that you learn from them. Which seems bizarre that something written 200ish years ago could teach you something now. But teach me, they did.

We all need a little Darcy in our lives!

Pride and Prejudice taught me that you marry for any reason other than love, you will be miserable. And not to judge someone on first impressions. Give people time to reveal their true selves to you and you may be pleasantly surprised.

Aside from spawning one of my favourite films, Clueless, Emma taught me that you should, under no circumstances, try to play matchmaker. Additionally, it made me realise that sometimes the thing that is exactly what you need can be right under your nose.

Austen makes the lesson in Sense and Sensibility really easy for us all - the message is in the title! Here Austen tells us that you cannot be ALL sense or ALL feeling - you have to have a little of each to find balance, happiness and, most importantly, a husband.

Mansfield Park reminded me to never trust a charming man. Or a charming woman for that matter.

In Northanger Abbey it becomes obvious that if you use deceit to promote your own happiness then you will ultimately fail.

Finally, Persuasion showed me that while it is great to seek the advice of others, ultimately you should trust your own judgement and feeling.

Have I tempted you yet? If all that knowledge is still not enough for you to pick up an Austen immediately, then I will leave you with my favourite piece of Austen Wisdom from Northanger Abbey:

Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.

You said it, Jane.

Challenge #9: See Phantom of the Opera

Phantom of the Opera has been running almost as long as I've been alive.

Now there's a thought. It must be pretty good if it's been going for over 25 years, 10000 performances in the West End and is the most successful musical of all time...

I've always been drawn to the music of Phantom. My mother had the tapes at home, along with those from Cats, and I often spent an afternoon listening to those magical soundtracks. It has taken many years for me to finally find out what all the fuss was about.

Outside Her Majesty's Theatre, ready for Phantom!

I'm no stranger to musicals, having seen all the obvious ones like The Lion King, Wicked and Billy Elliot. It does make me wonder how anyone can not like a musical. What's not to love? Colourful, extravagant costumes, crazy moving sets, seamless performances and, best of all, music. There's nothing quite like the full swell of an orchestra playing live, actors singing from the bottom of their hearts, despite the fact that they've probably already performed 5 times that week...

Phantom isn't exactly a complex storyline but it's now a classic. Misunderstood, deformed composer falls in love with beautiful tenor. Who is in love with a handsome man from her childhood. Who hasn't had that happen?

I think my favourite part of Phantom was the fact that it made me jump. I wasn't expected to be shocked by gunfire or falling chandeliers but there you go. Not just a pretty picture, Phantom has some good old fashioned dramatic tension.

And the music. Oh god, the music. I'm generally not a fan of opera but did that Anna O'Byrne (playing Christine) have some pipes on her. And she's an Aussie! Represent!

So, despite waiting 18 years to see it, Phantom was well worth the wait. My 'Angel of Music' finally appeared and now I can drift off into the 'Music of the Night'...

Challenge # 48: Use a pick up line in a bar

How much does a polar bear weigh?

Armed with just this question and a healthy dose of forced confidence, I selected a seemingly eligible young man as a test subject. Would he respond to my pun pickup?

I attempted to casually stroll up to the man in question and delivered my line. As soon as I asked him the question I realised the fatal flaw in this pickup line: people actually think about the answer.

Later, when I was googling the answer to this question, I found this blog about women using the polar bear pickup line. Reading it I became surprised by the outdated notions of courtship this guy was presenting. His argument was that pickup lines should probably be left to the men and that when (unattractive) women did it, it seemed desperate. Not to sound too much like Carrie Bradshaw but it got me thinking... Why can't women use pick up lines? Is this still considered a male only dominion?

This argument that men are meant to chase and women are meant to stand around looking pretty and waiting for a man to sweep them off their feet, is it still valid? Surely it is just playing up to gender roles by saying that men and women still need to conform to these roles and any deviations simply won't work. I'm not sure if I have an answer either way, but perhaps my experience using my pickup line will help shed some, although dim, light.

Aside from getting annoyed about this guy's view, I found myself wondering about pickup lines in general. After reading some of the comments on the blog I came to the realization: pickup line success depends entirely on how you deliver them, who you are and who the object of your desire is. If you are super goodlooking (male or female) then chances are you can use a pick up line and it will seem cute. If the object of your desire doesn't find you attractive, you will seem desperate. It seems that pickup is in the eye of the beholder.

In my experience, most women find pickup lines cringy, but isn't that because they're viewed as sleazy and an artificial way to start a conversation?

And therein lies the secret to an effective pickup line: it should seem natural, or at least spark some ideas that will lead into an easy conversation. Perhaps pickup lines aren't actually needed, just an ability to recognise a conversation starter or an opportunity to spark up a debate or discussion.

Happily, my pickup line managed to achieve this, for a short while anyway. Any initial success at getting my test subject to talk to me was immediately overshadowed when he told me that I was barking up the wrong tree: he had a girlfriend. However, we kept chatting and he introduced me to his friends. So although I wasn't successful in 'picking him up', he didn't run screaming for the hills and seemed amused by my (somewhat clumsy) attempt at using a pickup line.

What I found the most successful about this process was that he remembered me. When I saw him later in the night we had another chat about polar bears and had a sense of connection. It wasn't love or lust, just a feeling of common ground - neither of us knowing what a polar bear weighed.

So, is that the mark of a good pickup line? Is there such a thing? I guess I'll just have to head back to the pub for some further research!

(For those of you who are DESPERATE to know, here are some facts about polar bears and how much they weigh:

1. Polar bears are the largest land carnivore.

2. Male polar bears weigh about 350 to more than 650 kg.

3. Female polar bears weigh about 150 to 250 kg. Pregnant females can weigh as much as 500 kg.

4. The largest polar bear ever recorded was a male weighing 1,002 kg.)